


Turks Fall in Line

by Papallion



Series: Final Fantasy VII - Sidequest [3]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Heavy Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 02:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14631738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Papallion/pseuds/Papallion
Summary: This is a chapter for Sidequest that I don't think will ever work.  So, here, a deleted scene I just couldn't bear to toss out.  Turks, and a former Turk, get drunk.  You might want to read Sidequest to get some of the references.  It takes places in Wutai.Please drink and read fanfic responsibly.





	Turks Fall in Line

Tifa was checking her camping stove when she heard the knock at the door.  “Someone’s at the door!”

Was anyone left? Last she knew Vincent was cleaning his gun, and she knew he wouldn’t leave it unattended.

“Guys?” she called out, but no one answered. She closed the lid and walked to the door, and pulled it open. She could hear Aerith call something, and Tifa thought she heard she was getting dressed.

Tifa was not prepared for the man at the door.  

“Hey, Valentine in, ya?” Reno asked as he tilted his head.  “Yo, Valentine! Get stitched! Turks fall in line!” Reno grinned at her and Tifa tried to shut the door, but he jammed an arm and a foot in the opening.  “Hey, hey, oi, hey, stop, ya? Just wanna talk to Vino!” He leaned in and Tifa put her hand on his face and shoved. “Oi! Vinnie! Get stitched, we’re gonna fall in line!“

Vincent stepped out of the side room and tugged on his waist.  “This is what I have.“

“Vincent,” Tifa scolded, “what’s going on?“

“Turk business, so don’t worry, ya?” Reno urged as he struggled.  “Don’t worry, gotcha covered, ya know?” Reno snapped and jerked his thumb over his shoulder and Rude held out a brown paper bag.  

“Should be good, ya?” Vincent reached over Tifa and took the bag, looking inside.

Vincent peered inside, and nodded.  'It will suffice.  Please, come inside.  I shall be a few moments.”  

Tifa looked at Vincent, shaking her head in disbelief.  

“They’re on vacation.“  Vincent said it flatly, as if that would explain everything.

“Ya, we’re on vacation, ya know!”

Tifa considered for a moment, then stepped back.  

“Thanks, Tiff!”

Reno, Rude and Elena sauntered inside and Rude held out a small box of candies.

“Sorry.  For intruding.”

Tifa stared at the box then took it and gestured Rude into the living area.  He beamed when she took the candies and she just couldn't stay mad at him.

“So, come on in, I’m sure he won’t be long.” Tifa shoved the candy into her bag and stared at the Turks.  “You guys want some tea or anything?“

“We’ll be out soon, once we get Vinnie, ya know?” Reno said once he slung himself into a chair.  

Rude and Elena stood at parade rest.

“He’s gettin’ stitched.” Reno was grinning like he was the only person who knew the joke.

“Stitched?” Tifa asked, and Elena nodded.

“It’s Turk business,” Elena explained.

“And falling in line?“

“Turk business,” Elena snapped quickly.

“And why do you need Vincent?” Tifa prodded.

“Turk.  Business,” Elena repeated.

Vincent coughed and stood in the doorway of the room.  He had taken the sabatons off of his boots and unfolded the cuffs, and laced the ankles of his pants loosely over his boots for a change.  He wore a button down shirt half a size too large and a dark blue boat-necked sweater. “It will be fine. It is just Turk business.“

Tifa sighed as she looked at him.  Casual Vincent was oddly adorable. “If you’re going out, at least tidy your hair.” Tifa scooped up her brush and one of Aerith’ hair ribbons from the table and turned Vincent around.  She braided it loosely with the ribbon, and tied the bottom off. “There have fun.” As she braided his hair she had peeked down his sweater, and noticed he didn’t have a gun. “Don’t do anything stupid!” she scolded the others.

Reno laughed and rubbed his nose.  “Don’t worry, ya? Turks ain’t expendable, ya know.“

“Say hello to Tseng for me!” Aerith said as she waved them off.  “They’re going to get drunk.“

“I figured as much.  Is it just me or is Vincent, you know,” Tifa said softly.

Aerith nodded enthusiastically.  “I know.” Both ladies had watched him bend over to get into the car.

Tifa took a long breath.  “Sweet Lofn, Cid’s a lucky man.“

 

\---

 

Rude had driven to the largest restaurant and the others got out while he found a place to park.  

They had rented a quiet room in the back and the waitress showed them a menu, but Reno waved her off. “Just keep the booze flowing, baby, we’ll be fine, ya?  Need some tea, need some snacks, ya know?”

Tseng was already waiting at the low table, and he gestured for everyone to sit on the cushions.

“Um, ya,” the waitress said nervously.  She eyed the Turks as they sat down.

Tseng pulled out a charge card and placed it on the table and slid it towards her.  

“OK, drinks, coming up.  Requests?“

“Flameclaw, please,” Vincent asked quietly.

“Oolong,” Tseng asked, and the waitress nodded.  “Pork dumplings.”

The other Turks made requests as Rude walked in and sat down.  They sat and chatted, Vincent silently listening, watching as the other Turks leaned back and relaxed.  

The waitress put their first round of drinks down, lit his Fireclaw, and Reno and Elena laughed in awe as it glowed.

“Make my next one one of of those!” Elena asked as she claimed a whiskey sour for herself.  

Tseng poured two cups of tea and placed one between Vincent and his drink. “Are we ready?“

Vincent picked up the tea and they held their drinks together.  “Never expendable,” they said solemnly as one and drank, toasting their fallen Turks.  

When the appetizers came out Elena shoved some near Vincent, and Vincent ate one to appease her.  They chatted about regulations and footwear and who was sleeping with whom in the secretary pool, Vincent listening and sipping.

“I’m still angry at you for Junon,” Tseng said as he drank some tea.

“I was doing my job.  And my job was to get us across the ocean.”  Vincent took a long drink of his Flameclaw.

Tseng nodded, drank, and nodded again.  He could respect that much.

Eventually Tseng pulled out a few folders and placed them on the table.  “We’ve updated your file.” He slid them over and Vincent opened first one open. It contained a freshly printed page explaining his leave of absence, and his current status as an AVALANCHE terrorist.  They used both an old ID photo and a current photo, and Vincent closed the file.

“What happened to everyone?” he asked as he opened the next folder.  This one contained information on his old coworkers.

Tseng took a long drink of tea.  “Shuriken, Hammer and Whip died in Wutai.  Nodachi died not long after you went missing, after Veld sent her after you.  We think Hojo killed her and stashed her body. We only found her armlet.”

Vincent nodded as he flipped through the folder.  He turned the page, looking at Lance, the last of his era.  When Vincent had joined she had a scar on her cheek, but in her last photo she had an eye patch.  

Tseng nodded at her and gestured briefly.  “She got wounded looking for you, and finally lost her eye after she found Whip. Rumor has it she has a summons materia in her socket.“

“She died in Midori, burned on the shore in her suit, surrounded by pigeons and cats.” Vincent snorted, wondering if Shinra knew or cared about the slang for, ’retired and we know where she is but she’s still loyal so we won’t have her killed.’  Lance had a passion for racing pigeons, and he as glad that she still had her birds.

The other Turks lifted their cups with a nod, and Tseng shoved another cup of tea in front of Vincent.  The Turks saluted and drained their drinks, and Vincent shut the folder.

“To the Lost!” Elena said and Vincent drained his Flameclaw.  The others cheered as he shook his head and clapped the glass on the table.  

“And the found!” Reno added, and Vincent picked up the next nearest drink, a flute of champagne.

“And those who aren’t expendable,” Tseng added, and Vincent drained the tea Tseng managed to put in front of him.  “Give the man time to get a smaller drink! Galians don’t leave a salute in their cup!“

“We, like, I get the feeling we weren’t supposed to let him drink too much, ya know?” Reno said as he pushed some bread sticks towards Vincent.  

“I appreciate the information.” Vincent ate a breadstick and Tseng poured him another tea.

 

\---

 

“Yeah, yeah, so, get this, he’s his FATHER,” Elena explained.  The clock struck six, and Rude drank another shot.

“No, no,” Vincent shook his head.  “That’s stupid."

“That’s how it ends,” Reno said as he sipped his Midgar Serpent.  “That’s the movie."

Vincent continued to shake his head.  "That is not satisfactory."

 

\---

 

“So, you think Barret’s, ya know,” Reno said as he rolled his hands, “cuddly?”  He shoved some chili fries in his mouth.

Seven o’clock had come and dinner had been ordered.

“He looks it,” Elena said and tapped her mug.  The Flameclaw flickered and she laughed at it. “Cid looked like he doesn’t.“

“Cid is,” Vincent muttered into his lager, “Cid cuddles.” He took a long drink.  « He holds you close, » he said and slipped into AEspira. Was he this drunk at North Corel?  No, he hadn’t eaten that day. “He clings at night."

“Talking from experience?” Tseng asked and Vincent nodded.  “He seems like a player. Didn’t think he’d cuddle.“

“Sometimes he just holds me.” Vincent’s head drooped a little.  “He’s very warm.”

Elena turned and put her hands on Vincent’s face.  “No,” she said as she tapped her fingers, “you’re cold, so anyone is warm.  Here, have some hot and sour.” Elena was still trying to get Vincent to eat more than a few appetizers.  Feeding Reno was easy, she just shoved food in front of him, but Vincent was a challenge.

“’nother Flameclaw,” Reno said with a wave and he lifted his glass.

“No salutes!  Let him sober a bit!” Tseng scolded.

 

\---

 

“Why does banana not taste right?” Vincent asked as he took another slice of fruit.  Rude had announced eight o’clock was fruit time, and since Rude actually spoke loudly they listened.  Vincent and Tseng were both cutting slices instead of biting the fruit like the others did. “I never got bananas often before, but I remember them, and now, they don’t taste right.  Nothing tastes right! There’s no Magic Tab soda.”

“Ya can get a Power Drink, add some raspberry flavor ya know,” Reno offered through a mouthful of pineapple.  “It’s kinda like Magic Tab, my pa says, ya?“

“Even the potions and tonics taste bad.”  Vincent finished his Cosmo Candle and shook his head.

“Oh, the blight, right.  They use corn syrup instead of beet syrup,” Tseng explained.

“Beet root is what Gali uses.  This is not beet root.“

“Different beets,” Rude muttered.  He had finally got his mango open and was examining it.

 

\---

 

“And I look over and there’s Captain Bell, wearing a clown nose.”  Tseng normally didn’t drink so much, but someone had poured two whiskey sours in the oolong and he didn’t want to waste either.

“So, Bell advanced.”  Vincent lost track after nine chimes of the clock, or maybe it just stopped.  “What about her leg elbow?” He couldn’t think of the words and leaned his elbow on the table, almost putting it in Elena’s pasta.  When did the bar serve pasta? “I’ll take a pasta,” he said at the passing waitress. “Leg knee. What’s the word for knee?” Was he still speaking Midland?  He didn’t feel he was speaking Midland.

“Got a frame deal for it, ya know?” Reno said as he dropped half his lemon shrimp onto Elena’s plate and stealing a good portion of her lobster tail.  “Can’t walk without it, but she won’t let them amputate it, so, ya.“

“Nasty deal, that.  How’d it happen? How’d she bust her leg?” Elena asked and held out a fork of shrimp.  “Eat,” she offered and Vincent shook his hand at her. “Allergic?” He shook his head and she pushed the shrimp towards him.  “Eat!” She had finally got him to eat, and had been finally gotten him eating appetizers. “You all need to eat, all of you!!“ She held out a shrimp to Rude and he took the fork and ate it. "Thank you."

Vincent shook his head again and took another drink, and finally she just poked the shrimp in his mouth.  “It was from jumping out of a plane.” He poured some whiskey oolong into his own glass and lifted, and everyone lifted glasses, a shrimp and a short rib.  “Hammer fell out, Bell went after him.” They saluted and drank, and the waitress put a plate of pasta with white sauce in front of Vincent. Did Elena order pasta for him?

 

\---

 

“And I look down and see this, this cat, walking.  Wearing a crown. I say the first thing that comes to mind,” Vincent was explaining.  

It was ten and the radio changed to easy listening, which made talking louder easier.

Vincent was not aware of how strong his accent had become.

“A talking cat?” Reno asked in an obviously confused voice, quoting something.

“Kitty!” Elena cheered and drained her Antarctic Wind.  She exhaled a puff of fog and giggled.

“No, I just,” Vincent said as he gestured with his shot glass.  “I looked down, and I said ’no,’ and I left.” He went to take a drink but it was empty, and Tseng filled it with more straight oolong.  “It was a three foot talking cat.” ’eet whas a twee fut tahking khata.’

“Kitty!” Elena and Rude laughed together.  

“Did he dance dance dance?” Rude slurred.

 

\---

 

“Last drink!” Tseng said and they all hoisted their mugs, now filled with water and an aspirin dropped in.  “Turks!“

“Turks!” they all said and drained their water as the clock struck twelve.

 

\---

 

“Take him, lock him, leave him in the tunk!” the Turks sang as they came up to the door.  

Vincent’s face was tinted red and he murmured the words in Rude’s ear from his position on his back.  “And wait for him to sober!”

Vincent had been unable to walk for at least three blocks, and if Tseng didn’t support Elena with an arm around her waist she would have been laying on the sidewalk.

“Make him walk home for he’s drunk!” Elena slurred, laughing as she tugged on Vincent’s now released hair.

“And wait for him to sober!”  They laughed as Reno tried to open the door, but the car key didn’t work.  Wait, didn’t they DRIVE to the bar?

“Valentine, Valentine, hey, Vinnie,” he laughed.  They started to hush each other unsuccessfully and Tseng shook Vincent’s shoulder.  “Don’t wake him up, we need his key, ya know? Valentino?“

It took Vincent two tries to speak.  “My name is Vincent.” He hummed a little.  “Cid calls me puddin’.” He gave a quick bark of a laugh since Cid had never called him puddin’.

“Vincent, the door,” Reno laughed, and Tifa opened it from inside.  “You’re good at that, ya?“

“Turks line up, huh?” Tifa scoffed, and Vincent shakily lifted a hand to wave at her.  “At least he’s not dead. Guys? He’s back.“

“We didn’t leave him in the yard,” Elena giggled.

“And wait for him to sober!” the others sang and Tifa gestured to Rude.

“Drop him, please.”  She pulled Rude’s extra sunglasses off of Vincent and handed them over, and Rude first tried to put them on his face, then his head, then he got them into his collar.

“And we’ll drown him in the river,” Vincent finished weekly, and Barret gripped Vincent’s shoulder.  “It rhymes is AEspira.” It did not rhyme in AEspira. After eight o’clock anything he claimed rhymed in AEspira did no such thing.  

Barret slung a drunken Galian over his shoulder.

“Hello," Vincent said into Barret's shoulder.  

“We gotta go before we wake someone up, ya know?” Reno hiccuped.  “Nighty night!”

The Turks wobbled off, laughing and hushing each other.  

Barret shook his head and carted Vincent inside.

He sat on the edge of the bed where Barret set him, humming “Wait for Him to Sober,”and Cid sat up.  

He sighed at his Galian friend.  “OK, ya damn lush, let’s get you stripped.“

“And wait for me to sober.”

Tifa hauled Vincent’s boots off after unlacing his ankles and Cid pulled off his sweater.  

“I took a Turk Tonic.” He set his head on Cid’s shoulder and gave an off-note hum. “You like undressing me.“

“You get drunk easily, don’t you?” Tifa asked and put his boots by the door.  While Cid was working on Vincent’s buttons she moved Cid’s right boot over to Vincent’s boots.

“I can’t get drunk.”  Cid shook his head and managed to get Vincent’s arms above his head.

Cid flung the sweater on the couch Cloud was sleeping on, and he gripped it and rolled over.  “Hey, Tifa, feel his underwear.” Vincent was still wearing his soft undershirt. “Galian underwear is amazing.“

“I am not taking advantage of a drunk man to feel his underwear.“

« Midland underwear is awful. »

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a goat, I know.” Cid and Barret propped Vincent up and Tifa worked on his belt.  “Want me to get that?“

“No, it’s easy.  Lift him?” Vincent’s head bobbed forward and he gave a hum.  

Cid gripped Tifa’s wrist and forced her to feel the side of Vincent’s boxers.  

“Oh sweet Freya that fabric is amazing.  Barret, touch this.“

“I ain’t touching Vincent’s underoos!” Barret growled.  He did prod Vincent’s chest, and nodded. “Not bad.” Cloud muttered a question from the couch.  “We’re touching Vin’s underwear. You in?”

Cloud got up, sighed, and stomped over.  He then gripped Vincent’s undershirt between his thumb and fingers and rubbed.  “Yeah, that’s great.” He then lay back down on the couch and covered himself with the afghan, and dropped the sweater over his head.

“I wanna touch Vincent’s underwear,” Yuffie said as she peered in.

“And wait for me to sober.“

“No,” Cid said firmly.  “You’re underage.“

“I’m almost fifty, can I feel his underwear?” Nanaki asked.

“Sure, grope all you want,” Barret said with a shrug.  Nanaki rubbed his head against Vincent’s side and shut his good eye.

“That’s some good underwear!“ Nanaki agreed.

Cid lay Vincent on his side.  “OK, you lush, time for sleep.”

“And wait for me to sober.”

“Yes, yes, and wait for you to sober.”

Vincent melted and little as Cid kissed his cheek, and he faded into sleep, or something like it.

**Author's Note:**

> The Underwear Event is based on True Events.  
> I don't know why there's a couch in the hotel room. Maybe two beds and a sofa?


End file.
